All About Ray Day 1, Pt.2

So, I was curious..
Ray: Wats in the bags?
Auntie Lisa was like
Lisa: Huh? Oh yea. I almost forgot. Some of the items in there got refrigerated food in them.
She then shouted to her kids and me..
Lisa: YAW’LL COME IN HERE AND HELP ME PUT UP THESE GROCERIES.
Me and china helped AGAIN, but I assumed so would Fizz but he was textin away on his phone, and raven was reading some black hair magazine, and oh roc was still asleep, like knocked out sleep, lol. I was thinking to myself, why did aunt lisa say “yaw’ll come in here and help me put up these groceries,”when she was juss sittin on the couch by the door lookin pretty, I’m like ok???? What was THAT all about? My dad got tired of swattin flies and gave up. He threw the swatta on the floor next to the counter and near the fridge. Auntie Lisa turned her head towards the fridge and notice the swatta on the floor.
Lisa: U’ll yaw’ll got da fly swatta up on da kitchen flo, as she asked with a disgusted face
China replied loudly while draggin a heavy brown bag of groceries to the fridge
China: CUZ DEY GHETTO, hahaha
Lisa: Shoot, we ghetto too, but you ain’t gone fine no fly swatta on our kitchen flo that is straight up nasty.
Raven overheard her mama and agreed
Raven: I know thas rite
As she turned the page of her black hair magazine she was reading.
Fizz: Word
Fizz still standin up and he know we gotta couch for him to sit on. But last time he was here he had his smelly feet all up on our couch and mama yelled at him for it, I couldn’t help but laugh he deserved it. So I guess now he juss either stands up or sits on the floor. As me and china are the only ones puttin up the groceries dad is in his favorite chair-his lazy boy and nobody and I mean NOBODY would ever dare to sit in his chair he lets everyone know that. As if I care, that chair is NOT all that  as I roll my eyes to myself. Aunt Lisa leans forward and starts textin. I groaned Ughhh my goodness why are these people straight textin utha people? Don’t they know dey gotta house filled of people of whom they could be talkin to I said to myself. I felt a hard tap on my shoulder.

Ray: What the hell as I turned fast to see who it was
I said Oh it was china she told me to snap back to reality and I blinked twice and continue to load more food into the fridge. When we were done me and china went to sit on the coach where roc was juss snoring as loud as a car engine. Me and china looked at each other and chuckled while roc was makin movements in his sleep while tryin to get comfortable and grabbed a pillow to hug and slowly stopped into a fetal position with a smile on his face. It was getting dark outside as I scratched my head and sniffed my hair, like it was a fresh box of crayons, but worse becuz it stunk.
Ray: Ewww my hair stinks. I need to get it washed.
Just then a car pulled up and I saw the headlights flashin in the window. I squinted and was thinking
Ray: Who was that?
The car engine turned off and the door popped open. I heard the sound of keys jiggling then the car door had closed. The sound of heels were clickin towards the door and I was like I know that sound
Ray: Thas mama I mumbled under my breath
I was about to roll up outta my seat cuz I had JUST remembered that I was supposed to hav my room clean bout time she got home too late for dat now I thought. Anywayz I was about to get up and open the door, but aunt lisa took cared of that.
Lisa opens the front door
Lisa: Heyyy sis, whas happenin?
Mama: Whooooooo chile, nutten much. I am SO tired. Dem people up in dat hospital had me workin today.
As she pulled off her smock and hung it on the coat hanger while aunt lisa closed the door.
Mama: Well, Well, Well
As she strutted in her heels in the center of the floor cuz we ain got no carpet in the livin room, cuz mama don’t play dat. She had her hands on her hips still sayin
Mama: Well, Well, Well look at da little sunflowers
As she looked around the room at all of us. She looked towards dad and roc who was juss snoring up a storm, I was thinking to myself wont these niggas shutup dey is doin the mostest and whatever happened to dem flies? I had forgot all about dem thangs
Mama: Hey nieces and nephews, china!
China: HEYYYYYY AUNTIE BEYONCE!
Fizz: Mus you be so loud? (he asked china)
China: SHUT-UP! (she said to fizz)
Mama: And Hello to you to, Mr. Dreux (drew)? You gotta job yet?
Dreux looked up at mama and said
Fizz: Oh, not yet
And went back to textin
Mama was confused, cuz she be thankin once she asked somebody a question she wants a two-way conversation so she saw fizz (dreux) as ignorin her, which basically meant that, that was wat he was doin. He didn’t like to be bothered by anyone asking him all dem questions especially if he ain had the answer to dem.
Mama: DREUX, look at me when I’m talking to you.
Fizz looked up at mama as he sighed wonderin when she gone get off my case
Mama: When are you getting a J-O-B?
I chuckled silently to myself, noo she did not juss asked this boy that. A j-o-b? lol. Yea, das my mama for you. She put ya on da spot. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just one of her tendencies. I get  that a lot from her too.
Fizz: I’ll get a job when I get one
Now everybody who was awake was like ooooooooo no you did not juss say dat. We all kno that dreux has an bad attitude when it comes to job-related topics, but he was only diggin himself deeper and he was havin no help either. Raven looked at  fizz and cut her eyes at him shaking her head like he outta know betta.
Mama: I know your mother has raised you better than that.
But of course aunt lisa was sittin on the little couch behind mama just watchin how her son would react cuz she knew where this was goin. Mama was furious. She was patient enough. She went forward to drew and snatched away his phone.
Mama: Since you can’t answer me correctly in a respectful tone, you wont be needing this as she dropped his phone in her purse directly after her statement.
Fizz was upset.
Fizz: Maannn, why you had to take my phone like dat? I was textin somebody.
Mama: I don’t give a damn WHO it was. It had BETTA been a potential employa.
China was chuckling up a storm next to me on the couch but I gently bopped her on her leg to warn her to cut it out.
Fizz: No it wasn’t. It was somebody important.
Mama: Oh? Who was it? Since you claim it was somebody important, but I don’t think they were. Cuz if they were, you would have told me already who it was, and I want names.
Fizz: It was sumbody important, but I can’t say dey name
Mama: Why not? Why you can’t say dey name?
Fizz: Cuzzz it’s-
He looked down towards the floor shakin his head like I aint bout to tell her dis, it aint nun of her bidnezz. Mama got angry and raised her voice at fizz.
Mama: WHO WAS IT? And I want the correct answer this time.
Fizz: was aggravated he couldn’t tell who it really was cuz HIS mama (my auntie) was also in da same room and he wudda got cursed out. Mannn watta show that wud hav been.
Mama: It betta not be none of dem chicken headz you be hangin around wit.
Fizz wuz like
Fizz: HOLE UP, CHICKEN HEADZ?
Mama nodded aggressively while shakin her weave in agreement goin every which way.(suike my mama don’t wear weave she naturally got long hair like me at least in this story she does, anyway)
Mama: YESSS BABY CHICKEN HEADZ. The ones wit NO jobs, NO husbands, NO college education, NO future, ALWAYZ be out in the street, GHETTO as can be CHICKEN HEADZ.
Fizz shook his head like I can’t believe she is callin me out like this as he licked his lips and clenched his left hand into a fist and thrusted it in his right hand repeatively  like who does that? Somebody was at the door, but again aunt lisa got it and it was by bro drizzy drake.
Drake: Hey yaw’ll wass happenin?
As he looked around the room as the loud argument about chicken headz hooked him in for a bit then turned his direction towards those closest to the door. He had a bag in his hand with a red drawing of a chicken on it and red writing that says “chicken,” and a strong scent of chicken was comin from the bag. China closed her eyes and lifted her face towards the smell and quickly opened them and then shouted
China: DO YAW’LL SMELL CHICKEN?
Dad springs up from his nap and leans forward lookin around for chicken
Ced: CHICKEN???
This is what happens every time sumbody mentions food while dad is asleep. It’s like he has supa sonic hearin in his sleep and he is awaken when food is mentioned. Just like las Saturday night, drizzy drake brought us some cheeseburgers, fries, and a soda from burger barn.

Flashback scene

Drake: I GOTCHAW’LL SUM BURGERS AND FRIES!
As soon as he said dat, dad had sprung up from his afternoon nap and shouted
Ced: BURGERS AND FRIES, WHERE???
Drake had placed the bag on the counter and went to the bathroom. Dad got up from his chair and walked over to the counter where the burgers was and goes into it and grabs bout 2, 5, or 7 french fries and juss goin ham on em. When he hears drake comin back near the kitchen he grabs like 3 or 5 more and stuffed them in into his mouth. Drake walks over to the bag and he looks in it, with a confused face, and then turns around and looks at dad’s back. Dad is in suspicion mode he is frozen in place like he has an uh-oh I’m caught face. Drake asks dad
Drake: Dad, do you know what had  happened to the fries, cuz last time I check there were a lot of them now it’s like somebody just came in and malled on em and ain’t said nutten about it wouldju happened to know about that?
Dad slowly but silently chews the fries in his mouth as less guilty as possible.
Drake: DAD, DIDJU HEAR ME?
Dad just nodded slowly. Now of course my brother knew it would be dad eatin up da fries like dat cuz he be doin stuff like dis on a regular basis. He’s greedy. He’ll pick off yo plate and ask
Dad: Are you gonna eat that? Can I get a piece of yo pig foot? I notice you just left yo plate and ran off into yo room are you gonna finish eatin dat pork chop?
Ray: (I’m like) Dad you can have it already geez.
Dad: (laughs) Thank you son
Ray: Yea, enjoy.

Back to the Present

So yea drake brought us chicken for dinner. Dad doesn’t kno how to cook nor does mom. Wait, lemme take that back. Mom is juss too busy to cook but dad, noooo he tried and me and drake had to suffer and  eat burnt pork-n-beans over half done rice and burnt hot dogs. Talka bout ughh.

Flashback Scene

This was wen we were yunger and til this day, dad thinks he’s tryin to do us a favor by cookin for us. He claims he’s tryin to whip suttem up for me and drake as he calls it, but it neva be turnin out rite.
Dad: I’ma cook and I’ma whip yawll up suttem special
I placed both my hands on my hips and turned to the side and say
Ray: Daaaad, stop playin. We kno u can’t cook. Big deal get over it.
And he was like…
Dad:  Welllllllll, No son, I don’t give up that easily. Now, I know I haven’t cooked so well in the past, but let by-gones be by-gones.
And drake was like…
Drake: Well, I mean wen you put it like dat, den how can we say no?
And I was like…
Ray: Nigga isju serious? Are you on suttem? Cuz last time I checked dis man cannot cook. I don’t want NO more burnt food maaannn, dat was nasty.
I can just taste (fake gags) the food from the last time (fake gags).
Ray: (asked to drake) But u kno who can cook?
Drake: Yeeep
Ray and Drake: MAMA JOOOO
We both said at the same time with smiles on our faces. Reminiscing of our grandma’s home cooking. Well, we don’t usually call her mama jo. My mama and aunti lisa calls her that. But anyway, every once in a while, mama jo comes to visit and she used to bring me and drake her famous peach cobbler and apple pie, (there separate not the same) already bake and ready to eat. Mmmmmm you talkin bout suttem goooooood. She made dem thangs from scratch old skool style. She owns two apple trees, a peach tree, all kinda trees, snce she lives in the country. As a child, her parents inherited their parents land, which had a farm on it and they started planting trees, vines, and orchards so that her family, friends, and the community could enjoy it’s freshness and abudance from their labor. Good stuff I tell ya.

Back to the Present

Anywayz me and china got up and walked towards the kitchen but just then drake asks us
Drake: Didju guys wash yo hands first?
We shook our heads no. He laughs.
Drake: Ok, then go do that first then you can have some chicken.
China: Ok
And she ran towards the bathroom. Fizz and Mama are still at it with that dag on chicken head mess.
Fizz: But look, see what I do on my phone is nobody’s business. It’s MINE, I paid for it.
Mama: Oh really? It’s nobody’s business. I’m pretty sure you didn’t pay for this phone so how did you obtain it?
Fizz: Like I said, I paid for it.
Lisa: BOI, un-un dontchu talk to yo auntie like that. No phone privileges for you for a MONTH.
Fizz: *sucks teeth as he has a stupid look on his face* A MONTH? He turns away from his mama and auntie and says
Fizz:: Mannnn, thas sum bull
Mama: DAS SUM WHAT? AIN’T NOBODY FIN TUH CUSS UP IN HERE. AND U AIN GETTING DIS PHONE BACK NO TIME SOON.
Boy fizz was mad as hell as I watched and listened while I washed my arms with water.
China: What are you doin?
As she pumped some hand soap into her hands
Ray: I’m washin my arms cantchu tell?
China: But why? It looks weird
She asked with a confused look
Ray: Cuz it’s more hygienic than juss washin your hands, mama tole me dat.
China: Ohhh.
She said with a curious face. And then gets excited.
China: Well I’ma try it too.
Ray: Ok
I said as I shook my arms back and forth to get the remaining water off my arms and then I went over to the towel and dryed my hands. Juss then I heard the front door slam shut. The water had stopped runnin. China was about to dry her hands and I was like what’s goin on?
I left the bathroom to see who all was in the living room. So far it was drake, raven, and roc. I guess the others went outside I said to myself. I felt a push forward and it was china tryin to move me outta the way. As she walked away shakin her head I shouted after her.
Ray: YOU CUDDA SAID EXCUSE ME, DAMN WAS IT SO HARD TO SAY DAT?
I walked ova to roc and flopped rite beside him. I lightly tapped him so that he can wake up already. Roc was sleep the whole damn time, it’s not like him to be doin dat when he comes ova to visit. His snores had annoyed me. Drake looks toward me as I kept tryin wake roc up. Drake asks
Drake: Ray, u want sum of dis chicken?
As he is tearin up dat drumstick and talkin at da same time.
Ray: Yea I do, what kinda question is dat?
I got up off the couch and walked into the kitchen. We hav and open kitchen so theres no door or wall, it’s like the two rooms are connected. After china poured herself a cup of sprite she sat prissy at the dining room table with a napkin in her lap and another stickin outta her shirt overlappin her chest. I looked at dis gurl like, wat is she on? She ratcheteeeeed. Don’t nobody be eatin chicken like dat. At least not to my knowledge. I leff her alone and peeked at the contents of the bag.
Ray: Hmmm, I see a drumstick, two wings, a thigh and a breast. Wait no, TWO drumsticks, not one.
Ray: HEY RAVEN, YOU WANT SUM CHICKEN?
Raven: YESSS SWEETIE. CAN U COME AND BRING ME SOME OVA HERE? FIX ME A PLATE.
Ray: I aintcho servant, come get itcho self.
Raven: Is that how you treat a guest?
Ray: Gurl, stop playin you family, you ain no guest.
Raven: Yeaaa, I pratically am. I don’t visit often and the least you could do is to fix me a plate, suttem to drink and bring it to me or is that too much to ask?
HELLLL YEAAA I said to myself but I fixed it anyway. She’s right. I hardly see her that often.
Ray: What type of chicken you want?
Raven: What kinda pieces are up in that bag, can u say em for me?
Ray: Ok. We got drumsticks, wings, a breast, and a thigh.
Raven: Hmmm, ok how many pieces do we get?
I shrugged
Ray: I don’t know, ask drake.
Raven: Drake, how many-
Drake:  2 a piece
China: NO-A-PIECE. NO HESITATION, NO PROCLAMATION…..COLORSSS, I mean chicken, lol
Ray: Okkkk??? What was THAT all about?
Drake chuckled as he continues to eat on that same drumstick. Damn, nigga weren’t u done with that like five minutes ago, lol?
Ray: (asks raven) So how many pieces, dang I meant which ones do you want?
Raven: Uhh, give me a wing and a breast.
Ray: Alrite
Raven: Oh, and would pleaseeee fix me a half cup of ice and a half cup of sprite, thank you ray ray?
Ray: Oh wow, u want me to fix sum soda for u too?
Raven gives me the look like boi u betta do what I tell u before I tickle u down
Just then the front door opens and in comes the others. Of course mama is the loudest when she opens the door lookin and yellin at fizz. I sped walked to raven and gave her, her food and drink and I quickly ran ova back to the kitchen and sat at the counter on a stool and made grace. Fizz tries and see if he can leave for awhile.
Fizz: Maaan, can I go somewhere?
Mama: NO U GONE BRING YO BEHIN BACK IN DIS HOUSE AND SIT DOWN SUMWHEY.
Fizz was upset and groans the whole time and he stops in his tracks with his arms folded waiting for instuctions. Auntie lisa has just closed the door. The two women are standin near fizz, but mama is doin the talkin. Well actually mama and aunt lisa are takin turns insultin fizz and fizz is juss standin dere waitin for somebody to release him from dis nonsense. Mama points her arm to the couch near the door for fizz to sit down at. Fizz uncrossed his arms and flops on the couch still mad. Then Mama and Aunt lisa turned towards each other, I guess to talk about about future punishments for fizz. Drake finally turns on the television. I throw up my hands like THANK-YOU-GOOOOD! We hav an LCD Big plasma screen tv. The first channel that the tv was on, was dora the explorer. China was excited as she gulped down some sprite, tilted her head back and said ahhh.
China: OOO DIS MY SHOW
Ray: TURRRRN
I shouted
Drake turns to another channel. China turns to look at me witta mad face and asked
China: Why you wanna turn from dora?
Ray: Cuuuuuz ain’t nobody wanna see dat.
China: Well, I do
Ray: Well, I don’t care.
China: But IIIIII’M da guest. So u hav to watch wat I want to watch
Ray: Das a lie. Dis MAH house. So I can watch wat I wanna watch.
China gets up from her chair and walks toward me
When she came she stood wit her hands on her hips and witta an angry face. I’m like wateva I ain scared of no lil gurl. China tryin to play me and asks
China: Do you pay the bills around here, Mister?
As she repeatively pointed her index finger on my nose. I swatted her finger away from my face all angry like.
Ray: Gurrrl, gone sit down sum whey.
China: NO. Not until I get what I demanded.
Ray: Well, uhhh u betta go sitcho lil stank self down somewhey and get up outta my face befo I pop u.
China: OOOOOOOOO I’MA TELL MAMA!
Ray: Tell yo mama! And see if care
I shouted at her as I finished my meal , got up off da stool and threw my trash away.
China stomps off from the kitchen and into the living room where her mama was standing. Auntie lisa had shooed her away.
Lisa: China, go on and sit down somewhere chile.
China: But mama, ray ray wont let me watch tv
Lisa: Gurl, whatchu talkin bout? Ray ray don’t pay da light bill, nor the water bill, nor any other bills dat bee bee be payin fo.
Mama overhears auntie lisa and china’s conversation
Mama: Was dat?
Lisa: (to mama) China tells me that ray ray wont let her watch tv or suttem, u kno I be half listenin.
Mama turns her head like an eagle to spot me out. I tip toe away to my room slowly…
Mama: RAY RAY!
I stopped n my tracks and did a 360 and looked towards my mama. Raven and drake are watchin the tv show steve Harvey show.
Ray: YESSS MOTHUUUUR?
Mama: COME HERE!
*sighs* I sighed as I walked towards mama. I’m thinking like, oh my gosh are you taking this seriously? Shooot drake had the remote go yell at him.
Mama: Ray ray, what did you tell china when she wanted  to watch tv?
*groans* uh goodness muss we bring this up I said to myself.
Ray: I tole drake to turn da channel cuz I ain want to watch that.
Mama: Boy, I ain asked u dat. I asked u what did u say to your niece who is a guest in MY HOUSE, when she wanted to watch tv?
Ray: I basically tole her it was my house and that I didn’t care what she wanted to watch, even though it’s not my house and that I was only bein selfish.
Mama: That’s what I thought. Now go apologize to her and change the channel for her back to that program.
Ray: Yes ma’am
As I had my head down and walked towards china.
Ray: I’m sorry that I said you couldn’t watch your show. That was rude and unhost like. Would you like to watch dora the explorer?
China was satisfied. But then it seems as if a better idea came to mine.
China: Okay, you are forgiven. But I don’t wanna watch dora the explorer. That show is for babies.
Ray: Welll, u kinda are-
Mama: RAY RAY!
Ray: I mean, yea you’re right. Is there something else you would like to watch instead?
China nodds in excitement
China: Yea, do u guys catch spongebob square pants?
I felt sick to my stomach. Ugghhh not sponge bob. What a stupid show.
Ray: Sure we do.
I gestured her to follow me as I asked drake for the remote and changed the channel.
Drake sat up from his chair as he was confused eyy HOLD UP, WHATCHU DOIN MAN?
Ray: I got orders that I am to turn to sponge bob square pants for china. She is the guest and this is what she wants to watch.
Drake and Raven looked at each other like what the hell, and laughed.
Raven pointed towards me with a hysterical face and shouted
Raven: Ray ray, stop playin and turn back to da steve Harvey show
Drake: Yeaaa, u juss turned from da good part.
Ray: Guys, chill we hav tivo, all u gotta do is record and watch it later. Plus I’m pretty sure this saaaame episode will come back on lata.
Drake: Nuh-uhh. U can’t record a show and watch another show at the same time. It  wont letchu do dat.
Raven: Yeaaa, besides I been wantin to see dis episode and now that I hav, I can’t watch the rest?
Ray: Go look it up online. In the meantime, I got stuff to do.
China was satisfied. She was sittin near the front of tv while sponge bob and Patrick were talking. Drake got up from his seat to throw away his trash, while raven scooched up her chair and called after drake.
Raven: Drake can u throw my trash away too?
Drake: Oh yea, fo sho.
Raven: Thank u cuuuuz.
Drake: Ur welcome, he smiled
Mama: RAY RAY, DIDJU CLEAN THAT ROOM UP LIKE I ASKEDJU TOO?
I was like…
Ray: Uhhhhhh NOT YET!
Mama: WHATCHU MEAN, NOT YET?
Ray: I-I was busy
Mama: U WAS BUSY? BUSY DOIN WAT?
Ray: Hangin out wit my fam
Mama: DAT AIN NO EXCUSE. I WANT THAT ROOM CLEANED UP.
Ray: ALRIIIIIITE
Mama: WHACTHU SAID?
Ray: I mean yes mother
Mama: THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT.
Mama looked around for somebody to yell at. So she turned towards dad who was watchin tv. He musta been quiet dis whole time. He don’t like getting into arguments, especially when there are two women involved.
Mama: CEDRIC!
Dad turned around to face mama
Dad: YESSSS HONEY BOO?
Mama: DIDJU DROP OFF THOSE PACKAGES DIS MORNIN LIKE I ASKEDJU OR DIDJU FORGET AGAIN?
Dad widin his eyes like oh snaaap. Damn, I forgot all about dat.
Mama: U forgot again did you?
Dad: Well, I must admit, I did forget. I was watchin da churen.
He turns towards roc and china for backup so as to make it like he wudn’t lyin.
Dad: Ain’t dat rite kids?
Nobody said anything. China was glued to the tv and roc still asleep. Auntie lisa looked towards roc direction and tole china to wake him up. Mama had dat why is this boy asleep on my couch face on. China didn’t listen. She was glued to the tv and was giggling. Just then Mama made her way over to roc’s side of the couch and punched his arm to wake him up. He suddenly jumped up and yelled
Roc: AAHHHHHHHHHHH dat hurted while he clutched his arm and laid on the his right side to soothe the pain.
Mama pursed her lips like
Mama: Boi I know u was not sleepin on my couch all day?
I was like, yeaaa he was…Roc looked SO confused like what the hell is goin on. Mama gave him the u betta answa me look. Roc had stretched his arms and legs. Then he stood up to reach his toes and rocked side to side wit his arms on his hips and rocked back and forth and letted out a big yawn which caused him to loose balance and fell back onto the couch. Mama was still waitin for his response. Roc looked towards mama and said
Roc: Oh Hello Auntie Beyonce, how are you with a smile on his face.
Mama: Boi don’t smile at me. Ansa my question and stop stallin.
Roc sat up and had a serious look on his face as he tried to remember what she had asked him
Roc: What was the question again?
Mama: I asked you were you sleepin on my couch all day?
Roc: Ohhhh. I’m sorry auntie I was asleep.
Mama excused him just this once and told him….
Mama: Go on and get suttem to eat on the counter and thank ya cousin drake. But before u go ova dere wash yo hands first.
Roc: Ok
Mama looked at him
Roc got the message and said
Roc: I mean yes ma’am
And he went to the bathroom and washed his hands.
Mama threw her head back and swept her hair back towards her ears with her arms across the couch. She was tired. Auntie Lisa had just finished textin someone and stuck her phone in her pants pocket and walked towards the kitchen ready to eat some chicken if there were any left. I looked around my room as I walked ova a bunch of junk and I shook my head. Where the hell am I gonna start?